Blood Lust
by jacobblack'sgirl
Summary: Jasper/OC After Edward looses control trying to change Bella the Cullens fall apart.Edward becomes a recluse and Alice and Jasper grow distant.Alice leaves to find more of her family and Jasper becomes attracted to a human even more outcast then they are.
1. Pure Insanity

1.

The mere fact that I was sitting here showed how far gone I was. This was pure insanity and I wasn't sure how much more I could take. The park bench I sat on was wet, the damp soaking into my pants. The children that played just a few feet away gave off such a delicious smell that I had to put all my self control into not springing over and draining them. It wasn't just the children either. The young mothers that sat nearby, talking lowly about the latest small town scandals, smelled delicious as well. The combined fragrances were truly making me go mad.

The others had protested violently when I told them where I was going. Rosalie, of course, was the most vehement. She told me I was a self centered arrogant idiot, just to paraphrase. Emmett just looked worried and told me he would always go hunting with me, whenever. That's why Emmett is probably my favorite person, he tells you what he thinks and if you don't take his advice he just supports you. Esme had asked me quietly if I thought that this was really necessary and Carlisle had simply told me to be careful. Even Edward sent of waves of anger, doubt, and disbelief downstairs. Because this was the most we had heard from him in weeks I let that one go.

To all the others I calmly answered and then made my escape. And now I was sitting here, asking myself why I hadn't listened to hem. The answer was Alice. I had to do this but not for me, for her. I knew she hadn't left because of me but a small part of me still thought that maybe if I could just try a little harder, do a little better she would come back. It wasn't easy for me to stay here while Alice roamed, looking for any other surviving relatives she might have. We already knew about her niece, who lived in Biloxi, but Alice was sure that there were other people out there who might have heard or remember Mary Alice Brandon. I could only hug her, wish her good luck, tell her to stay safe, and wonder what happened to us and where we had gone wrong.

Suddenly I was tired, bone achingly weary. I slowly lifted myself of the bench and began to walk back to the car. I was ready to go home; actually I was more then ready. Then I stopped and turned around, I could feel the monster begin to take over, the abhorrent predator finding a scent he enjoyed. There. The smell, tantalizing jasmine, orange, and cinnamon, wafted around me. It belonged to the girl walking across the baseball field.

Her hair was short and fell into spikes that framed her face. It was black with blonde and hot pink highlights. She was wearing jeans and black leather jacket over a black t-shirt. I had watched the evolution of style over the many centuries I had been alive. To me most of what was "cool" seemed downright idiotic looking. Boys growing their hair as long as girl and both sexes wearing so much eyeliner they looked like pandas showed that there was something warped in people's minds. However this girl didn't look idiotic or stupid, she looked…normal, like this was who she was and even if everyone else had been wearing formal dress clothes this was what she would be wearing instead.

All this flashed through my mind in an instant as the smell grew stronger and the monster began to take over. I started to crouch, to walk closer, to open my mouth and feel the satisfying snap of my jaw. Then, thankfully, the wind began to blow, not a lot but enough that the smell receded enough for me to run for the car, putting all my focus into keeping up a human pace. I opened the door slowly, controlling myself. I could feel my muscles tighten as I lowered my self into the car and carefully drove off. As soon as I reached the city limits I sped up, reaching a good hundred and ten. It still wasn't enough. I drove faster and faster, needing so badly to run. Finally I couldn't take it any longer, I stopped the car and jumped out, shifting immediately into the hunter.

I could feel the ache in my stomach, feel the back of my mouth go cotton dry, and feel the venom pool under my tongue. I ran with a purpose, not taking my time to leisurely enjoy the run, I had to feed. I ran desperately through the forest, franticly tracking the herd of deer I scented. When I finally reached them, I crouched and sprang. I didn't waste time calculating speed or distance; I knew as soon as I leapt I would reach my target.

I quickly snapped the buck's neck, killing him without any pain. I greedily put my lips to his neck and sunk my teeth in. I felt the blood flow down my throat, slaking the thirst a little but not nearly enough. If I was going to spend any time around humans in the next few days I needed something more. I quickly shredded the carcass and stood up, scenting the air. The smell that drifted to me brought a measure of relief and I quickly started running towards the bear I had scented.

Hours later, when my thirst was controllable and the burn in my throat had faded to the ever-constant flare; I got back in the car and headed home. When I opened the door I felt waves of relief coming from the living room. Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, and Rosalie were sitting in there watching a movie. And judging from the self-loathing and despair coming from upstairs, any progress Edward had made was gone. I sat down on the couch, nodding my head and taking Esme's hand; silently acknowledging the welcome and love they sent towards me. This was the reason I had stayed here; this was the only thing that kept me going after Alice left.

A/N: Hey everyone, here's the first chapter of Blood Lust, the Jasper story I was talking about. Sorry for not updating Earth to Bella, I will work on the second chapter of that today. I had my surgery yesterday, five teeth removed so i don't feel the greatest. Anyway, love to all

jacobblacksgirl


	2. Talking with Edward

2.

_What exactly are you hoping to achieve by staying in there?_

I thought. I was sitting outside the door to the attic, feeling ridiculously like the cliché vampire in the tower. Now all that I needed was formal tux and I would be set. Edward didn't answer, just sent a wave of pure self-hatred towards me. In the beginning that would have sent me reeling but now I was used to this, more controlled, and I just wafted it aside.

In response I showed Edward all the hate and disgust Rosalie, even Emmett, and I had felt for him over the past two years. And then, just for good measure all the pity and self-loathing Esme and Carlisle had felt. Not surprisingly it was the last two that made him sit up and send a fingering of interest towards me.

_That's how Carlisle and Esme feel. Everyday they wonder what they did wrong. _

Normally it would have been Edward who would have been pointing this out to us but for that past two years he had been so obsessed with his own mind, he rarely bothered to read others. Only when we argued did he become interested enough to find out what was going on.

I walked down the stairs, disappointed. I hadn't really expected to lure Edward out of his hovel but still I wish I had. Not for me but for everyone else, Esme especially. It was no secret that out of us all she held a special love for Edward and right now, she was devastated. His withdrawal was tearing her apart. It hurt the rest of us to watch her, she no longer quietly radiated happiness and contentment. Now she walked around the house downcast and we all keenly felt the absence of our mother.

"Thank you for trying, dear." Esme murmured as I walked into the living room. "Of course, Esme." I said. She sighed and swept me into a hug then walked upstairs. I sunk into the sofa and idly began flipping through the channels. Rosalie came and sat next to me. I could feel the sadness and contemplation coming from her and so didn't say anything. Rosalie had been having these moments a lot lately. It was surprising to see her quiet and wistful, not raging but simply mourning. In moments like these she sought me out and we sat together, thinking of the past, the might have been's. It gave me the feeling of drowning, of something vacuuming out my heart and leaving only dust.

A/N Sorry about the length but the next part is too big to fit in here. Right now I'm trying to decide on two different endings for Cages and it's not working very well. I have to work on my visualization. Anyway, I'm working on soundtracks for my stories so I'll post the link's to those soon.

This is the second version of this chapter, corrected by the wonderful beta MoonlightGardenias!


	3. School Day

3.

I sat there, waiting for the smell to abate as the children around me filed out of the room. Because of the size of the school almost all of the teachers doubled up and taught two subjects instead of just one. I had British Lit with Mrs. Hemp right after Civics, also with Mrs. Hemp. Therefore I stayed behind while the rest of my classmates hurried off to their next classes.

This was always very awkward; beside the usual teacher-student awkwardness there was the instinctive sense Mrs. Hemp had that something was wrong with me. Underneath centuries of civilization and social niceties all humans still posses those instincts that say something is off here. This makes then shy away from contact with us; self-preservation at its best.

It had been a long day and emotions were especially high due to an unusual amount of human drama, giving me the vampiric equivalent of a headache. I rest my head in my hands and gingerly rub my forehead, thinking over the day's events.

It had actually started the night before when Edward, who had pulled out all the pictures of Bella we owned, went into a frenzy, biting any part of himself he could reach and clawing at his face. Emmett and I restrained him but not before he had given himself several very painful looking bites.

Then when we got to school-late, because of Edward-we found the human emotions running amuck because of some scandal involving the captain of the soccer team and his girlfriend. This combined with my ever-present hunger and the worry and sorrow over Alice that was always in the back of my mind had made this a very stressful day. And to top it all off, I still had to go to the hospital to pick up Carlisle from work.

Moving to a small town with fewer patients and therefore, a lower paycheck, meant that we had to adjust our appearance accordingly. Our clothes were less expensive and we wore the same ones more then once, the house was smaller, and some of our cars stayed in the garage. Namely Edward's Vanquish, Carlisle's Mercedes, and Rosalie's BMW.

This meant that the only cars available to us were Emmett's Jeep; jeeps were a common sight around here, and Edward's Volvo. Since Esme had wanted to go into Newport to do some shopping we were left with only one car. Carlisle could have just run home, of course but we were very cautious about even small things. If he where seen or people started to get suspicious about why Dr. Cullen didn't have a car in the lot, we would have to move again and that was not something I wanted.

The bell for my eighth-hour class finally rang and I focused on Mrs. Hemp, trying to ignore the human scents rising up around me. As always Alice filled my mind and I wondered what she was doing, what she was thinking at this instant. If it was possible I missed her more then ever and I wondered yet again what had moved her to leave.

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This is the new version of chapter three, corrected by MoonlightGardenias!


	4. Author's Note

Author's Note

Author's Note

Okay, so I just realized that there is going to be some confusion as to what happened to Alice, what happened to Edward, what happened to Bella, when this takes place, and where they are. Sooo,

1) When- About a three years after Eclipse.

2) Bella- When Edward tried to change her, after the wedding, he lost control and drained her. The Cullen's faked her death as being a car crash and buried her in Forks.

3) Edward- After Bella was buried he became a recluse and lives in the attic now. He hunts about once a month, thus contributing to his crazed mental state. He is basically wallowing and while everyone is sympathetic they are getting tired of his self-pity.

4) Where- Sheffield, Vermont. Pop. 727 in 2007. 202 families. 18 miles from St. Johnsbury, where the hospital is. I have no idea if this is realistic place for them to be-weather wise- I just liked the town and the setup.

5) And finally, Alice- After Bella's death Alice grew very depressed as well. Not even a fraction of the depression Edward was feeling of course, but this was her only friend. In my mind Alice missed out on a normal childhood, she really didn't have any friends and so when she finally got that connection it was extremely important to her. Because of that and some other things, to be disclosed (major story line here) Alice and Jasper grew apart very suddenly and Alice, in a major bout of obsession with her past (due to Bella's death) left to find someone, anyone who remembered Mary Alice Brandon. This leaves Jasper alone and hurting.

Feel free to PM with future questions and/or comments. I understand that some of sounds really implausible but trust, it will al tie in eventually. Thank you all so much!,

Jacobblack'sgirl


	5. Human

4.

This hospital was like every other Carlisle had ever worked at; machines beeping everywhere, phones ringing, the hum of human voices, sobbing that rose from the waiting room, and over it all the smell of uncleanliness and death masked with the sharp acidic smell of disinfectants and harsh chemicals.

It was midnight and Carlisle was just getting off his shift. The nurse manning the front desk had just told me he was working on a "very urgent new case." She added, "Last minute you know. It was an emergency call." Then her voice had lowered and a faint hint of scandal came into her voice. "We weren't sure quite what it was, either an accidental over dose or…it was a suicide."

I wasn't sure what had me feel worse, the fact that she had spoken the words so callously or the wave of lust that had washed over her when she spoke to me. In any case I had hurried off after a muttered thanks. I stood in the waiting room for Carlisle but after twenty minutes I asked the nurse which room he was in. "Room 12." She said crisply, feeling rejected. This time when I said thank you I added a smile and sent a wave of peace over her.

I walked down the hall and into room 12. I stopped, looked, and looked again at the girl lying in the bed. The shock nearly sent me reeling. I grabbed for the bedrail, jostling the clear fluid that dripped through a tube into her arm, a beautiful symphony that repeated its self over and over. And then, as I stood immobile, the scent began to sink in.

The smell of jasmine, orange, and cinnamon ran through me, filling the monster with ecstasy. And suddenly, I no longer owned my body, something darker now inhabited it. I could hear Carlisle's voice in the background but I paid him no attention. Everything was so intense, the sounds ran together in my ears, all the scents of the hospital blended together, and I was franticly forming and discarding plans for killing the girl.

Then it was all beyond my meager control, I lunged, aiming for the throat. Almost before I had moved Carlisle's arms were around me, holding me back. His voice was in my ear, begging me to stop but none of this made a difference. I moved forward, pulling Carlisle with me. Then I caught sight of her arms and my whole world spiraled down into darkness, and the only thing I could see were the lines on her arms, fresh, angry and still trickling blood. And all I could think was, why her, why me?

Even without the blonde hair and hot pink highlights I recognized her. She was the kind of girl that had an almost magnetic quality to it. She wasn't extraordinarily gorgeous but she was striking. Her face was shaped like an oval and was so thin she looked emaciated. Her lips were almost obscenely full and bright red even without lipstick. Her eyes were wide, I could tell this even though they were closed, and her eyelashes were long. Her short hair was ink black now and fell over her forehead into her eyes.

The one thing that truly identified her though, was her scent. Exotic, spicy, yet soothing it was uniquely hers. I had never before paid so much attention to human scents. For me they had all blended together, and the subtle differences that Edward and Emmett had discussed late at night were invisible to me. That was why her scent, so rich and overpowering now, had startled me so.

It was dark and the rain fell around the car, battering on the car doors. The windshield wipers were working furiously and the faint light from the moon flooded the car. Carlisle sat next to me, deep in thought as he guided the car around a curve. I was staring out the window thinking, curiously, about the day Edward first met Bella.

The look on his face as he watched her was unnerving. To us, well most of us anyway, humans were merely food. We rarely gave them thought; only the passing notice a human would give a herd of cows on the side of the road. And then, to see my brother, a brother I looked up to, become so upset by a mere human…it had given me a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

After Carlisle had pulled me out of the room and hurried off the talk to a few nurses, I sat in the waiting room thinking over Bella and Edward's relationship. Even with my extra grasp on them I hadn't really understood their relationship until now. For me it was unthinkable that a human could have that much sway over one of us, that the prey could control the hunter. And yet, humans did seem to have a strange effect on us.

Tanya and her sisters with their human lovers, James and his frank obsession with Alice and Bella, Edward and Bella, and now me. I had ample time to consider this, sitting in the hospital but the conclusions I came to were frightening. First, the mere fact that humans and vampires could have such an intimate relationship showed they we were not as far apart as we liked to think we were. Prey and predator only a few short evolutionary steps apart, which meant that we could not continue to look down on humans as we used too. No longer were they just prey but suddenly, they were the one thing that could drive a normally rational vampire to insanity.

Second, humans were dangerous. Of course they could never compare to us in speed or strength, we could kill them before their eyes had even registered that we had moved, and only a select few could even try to match our intelligence, but humans could make us lust for them. They could make us so hungry for their bodies we would do anything to obtain them, even stopping feeding from our natural food source. Many of the Denali sisters' men were not strong or smart but they were beautiful. There were so many stories about the incubus and the succubus, and the humans that had the misfortune to attract them.

Finally, the more civilized, the cultured and human like vampires were more likely to be attracted to humans then the uncivilized nomads. This was not an important realization but it put the last piece into the puzzle I was putting together. The only covens that lived in close proximity to humans, who interacted with them on a day-to-day basis, were the Volturi and us. The only vampires who entered into physical relationships with humans, and let the humans walk away whole and unscathed, were Tanya, Irina, Kate, and Edward. The covens and vampires who had managed to remain somewhat civilized, however much of a façade it might be, were the only ones who could truly love a human. And I wondered, just how civilized was I, how much could I stand before I finally broke?

Carlisle did not speak at all on the way home, if I couldn't tell that he was merely thinking over the day's events I would have said that he was angry. When we reached the house Esme and Rosalie came rushing out. As I approached Esme flew down to meet us, kissing Carlisle first, then reaching up to hug me. "It's alright." She murmured. "We'll think of something." I let her words sink into me, giving me sense of comfort, false as it was.

We walked onto the porch and Rosalie walked up to me, looking like she was ready to tear me apart, literally. When she reached us however she couldn't seem to find anything to say and simply let out a demonic growl before running inside. I groaned silently and Esme squeezed my hand. Inside Emmett was far more sympathetic, acting like nothing at all had happened and casually flipping me the remote, inviting me to sit next to him. I sat there, listening to the wind fly through the trees and let my mind float back to a hospital, about eighteen miles away and the girl who lay inside.

It was dark and the house lay quiet, for now. Emmett and Rosalie were hunting and Carlisle and Esme were sitting quietly contemplating their own secret thoughts. But upstairs I could hear Edward stirring, could feel a new life being infused into the corpse that had haunted our attic for so long. And then, like a prayer, came a whisper that floated down to me.

_Do you understand now? _

_Yes, Edward. I do. _

And we sat, apart and yet bound more tightly then ever, thinking our own thoughts of fragile angels, blood sweeter than wine, and the monster that lives inside us all. It was lonely there, and I could feel all of the humanity slip from my mind and I finally welcomed my demon. It had her face this time.

* * *

I am insanely tired; I stayed up for two days straight and then got up at seven for church. Ugh...sleep GOOD! I'm having a bit of trouble writing the next chapter, sleep deprivation plus I'm getting sick. The wonderful MoonlightGardenias recently started beta-ing this story and having a different perspective has been amazing, so huge thanks and kudos to her!


	6. 5

5.

_Jasper_

_6:13 p.m., In the middle of British Columbia, Canada_

I stood in the middle of the white, barren Canadian tundra and listened to the chatter behind me. The moose I had just killed lay in front of me, staring accusingly. I silently answered him over the other's screams. _I can't help it, you know. It's you or her. _

As I pondered this, Kate came up behind me and pushed me to the ground, laughing as she stuffed snow down my shirt. I ignored her, still staring off into space, she finally sighed and walked off. I had been with Tanya and her family for a few weeks so I could "get a grip," as Rosalie so kindly put it.

Unfortunately it wasn't doing anything for me, except remind me of Edward again. This was frighteningly reminiscent of Edward's escape into Alaska and it made me wonder what else my brother and I would soon have in common. "Jasper. Being here won't change anything." Eleazar said kindly. "Of course it will." I answered, wishing fiercely that he would turn and walk away. Instead he stood there with me for hours, until Tanya came up and took my arm, leading me away like a child.

_Xanadu_

_Sheffield Vermont, 5 hours later_

I was lying in bed listening to Moby sing in the background, the flowing song obscuring the rest of the world. Next to me lay a stack of black and white photos, some of simple trees or plays of light, others complicated setups that had taken me hours to create.

The only thing that they all had in common was that I was always there, either the focus point of the whole shot or an eerie presence at the edge of the picture. They were a collage of the ghosts that haunted me, an undefined white shape floating above my head, a filmy hand reaching for the sky, or a shadow falling over me. Dramatic? Sure. Self centered? I guess. But it kept me from going insane and if that was what it took, I would do it.

Of course it wasn't entirely successful, I ran my fingers over the thin ACE bandage on my wrist. So far I had tried to kill myself three times and every time, something had happened. The first time my boyfriend walked in and took the razor away from me, then bundled me up and sent me away. The second time my mom had come home early and found me lying on the sofa with the bottle of pills, and this time my dad walked in to tell me my music was too loud and found me.

If I didn't spend all my time wondering exactly what heavenly being hated me this much I might think it was too much of a coincidence, that I was fated to live**,** but I preferred not to think like that. It was just too depressing. Instead I chose to focus on the small things around me, like the fact that in just a few weeks snow would come, or that it was the perfect weather for hot apple cider. It was these small things that kept me from giving in to the voices in the back of my head.

_Jasper_

_3:00 a.m., Denali, Alaska_

I sat on the large leather sofa in Tanya's living room, watching the flames crackle and pop. As a vampire I was used to the world seeming too bright and full for one universe to contain; it wasn't an unpleasant sensation and it faded soon after my tenth year. Now, however, the world once again seemed too big. This time it was different; it was like… it was like I had lost something and didn't know where to find it.

I would have liked to think it was just Alice, calling to me from how many thousand miles away. I would have liked to lie. And at this point in time if it wasn't Alice, if it couldn't be Alice, I wanted it to be that girl. The one who lay in the hospital bed like a living corpse, who had moved like a demon across the baseball field, I wanted it to be the girl who was more dead then we were. But it wasn't her either.

Instead it was combination of both, a combination of love, utter heartbreak, soul mates, and obsession. It was something unknown and utterly familiar at the same time and it made me feel more human than I had felt since I first meet Alice.

I stood up and stretched, arching my back just to watch my shadow twist. I walked over the glass wall and stood staring at the stars. I wondered, idly, what my family was doing. I missed them, missed walking down the stairs and sitting with Esme, watching TV. I missed wrestling with Emmett and sitting quietly with Rosalie. I missed talking to Carlisle, listening to him share his knowledge. I even missed Edward, and feeling the constant gloom that hung over the attic.

And I knew, it was time. I was not going to make the same mistake Edward had and try to resist sharing the human girl's company but neither was I going to throw caution to the wind and…and become utterly obsessed with her. I would walk a fine line and I would win. I had been doing this for over one hundred and fifty years, what was one human to me now, after I had resisted thousands?

_Xanadu_

_Sheffield, Vermont, 9:16 a.m._

If you listen hard enough you can hear them, the voices that ride on the winds, bringing news from every corner of the world to your ears. I learned long ago that some people just have certain gifts, there is no reason as to why someone gets a gift, it just is. When I was little I used to think everyone could hear the same thing I did but I soon realized that the whispers of life, love, and death were things only I could hear. I've been running from them for years and haven't yet managed to escape.

I opened my eyes and stared at the clock, blocking out the constant hum in my ears. I sighed and rolled out of bed, thinking about the pile of books that waited for me in the living room. School was the one normal thing in my life and so far, it hadn't made me eager to join the rat race. It didn't help that my mother, bless her nonexistent heart, hadn't had any schooling past high school, which meant I was essentially teaching myself.

Still, however much I hated it, I was still going to miss this. Being able to sleep in as late as I wanted, watching reruns of Gilligan's Island while I did Calculus, and never having to come in contact with another person. It wasn't that I was scared of people or that I hated them, it was just easier not to be around them. Now however, I was being mainstreamed. After my third suicide attempt, and latest failure to escape the voices in my head, my parents had decided all my problems came from being isolated and now I was being enrolled in the local public school.

I was not pleased about this, needless to say. Where would I go when something happened, a death or an important world event, and I started acting like…like someone who heard voices in their head? In any school there is complicated social hierarchy, circles of people who overlap and dribble down. If you can't find a place within those complicated circles, well let's just say that high school strongly represent**s** an African safari. And sometimes the hyenas get to eat the baby zebras; it's just a fact of life.

_The next day, 8:30 a.m._

_Sheffield High School_

I sat in a desk far too small for me, my knees hiked up to my chest, my arms crossed. The room seemed to spin as fresh waves of heat blew over me but I couldn't expose myself by taking off my sweatshirt. So far school had been utter hell. There had been no places where I could curl up into a ball and hide, cowering from the unfamiliar surroundings.

The teacher in front of me was droning on while I watched the clock.

The minute hand seemed to tick so slowly I could barely see it and I was sure I would be trapped in here forever. Then finally the bell rang and I walked off to lunch. In the cafeteria it was cold, and the whole room seemed to smell of cabbage. I shuddered and sent up a silent thanks to whatever god had told me to pack a cold lunch that day.

I moved into the corner, zeroing in on an inconspicuous table that seemed to be hiding itself from the rest of the cafeteria. I rushed over and sank down in relief, burying my head in my hands. The room seemed to grow even colder and a hush fell over the cafeteria. Then I looked up and saw three people standing next to me. They were all gorgeous, with the faces of angels. So dazzling I could hardly believe they were real. Then one of them opened their mouth and I trembled, wondering what sin I had committed.

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Sorry about the delay guys. I'm heading overseas tomorrow so I had a bunch of school work to catch up on. Anyway, I'll be back on Jan, 14 so I'll try to get something to you right after that! Thanks so much to everyone one who reviewed and to Moonlight Gardenias, my beta!


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